About a week ago, a bunch of funny blogging gals I follow conducted a blog hop. They all wrote about the same thing—what their blogs would have been about if they’d written them in their 20′s. They then linked to one another’s submissions. I will say that after reading the blogs, I may never think of leg warmers, Wham! or Doogie Howser, MD in the same way.
I was surprised I wasn’t asked to join in. But then I realized they probably wanted bloggers with a large following. Followers who aren’t inmates. Or relatives. And especially if that list isn’t mutually exclusive.
I was inspired (even if I wasn’t asked) to put together a synopsis of what my blog would have been about if I’d written it in my 20s. You’ll find links to read their really funny blogs at the end of my (lame ass) list.
So here’s what I would have been pontificating about in my 20s:
- The skills and talents required to swipe a song list from the stage at the end of the concert. Without invoking the ire of bouncers/security. After you’ve had a drink to boost your courage. Or maybe enough alcohol for a righteous buzz. OK, let’s face it…I was completely drunk and I’m surprised I wasn’t given the list in exchange for my panties, which I (repeatedly) offered the band.
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- Charlatans UK – Handwritten (cool!)
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- Smithereens – Handwritten (and succinct)
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- Judybats – typed (so organized!)
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- Why dating a guy in a local band [who nobody is interesting in stealing the song list from] is not smart. But it will help you establish a killer line of credit as you underwrite Mr. underachiever’s dream of being Bono. However, Bono can underwrite his own equipment, thank you very much. And wouldn’t building credit be really great if I were actually building it with something that ended up being MINE when the final payment was made?
I dated the one who thought he looked like Bono. But he SOOOOO didn’t. He’s second from the right, cuz I know you still can’t tell.
- Why perms are bad. And the photographic evidence to prove it.
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- Mom and me on a visit she made while I was in college. Big hair and big belt.
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- Perm and neckbrace. Did someone try and throttle me for having crappy hair?
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- With my college roommate Kim. Not only is the perm bad, but I haven’t yet discovered eyebrow waxing. Big hair and big brows.
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- Me in my college dorm as a senior. I don’t know why I’m smiling, unless I’d had way too many Bartles and Jaymes.
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- How to get flattering pictures of yourself with your tongue hanging out. Also known as Zima-infused shenanigans.
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- I had finally stopped perming my hair. I had finally started waxing my uni-brow. But now I had the whole tongue problem.
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- Becky tries to lick Pat. Bob seems displeased.
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- Becky tries to lick … um … a guy who’s name I can’t even remember now. Freakin’ Zima.
- Proper etiquette at wine festivals.
- What to do with the 16 bridesmaids dresses you will end up with after being assured by friends who are getting married, “It’s not prom-y at all, I swear. It will be perfect to wear for future dressy occasions.”. Sure … dressy occasions that require taffeta, satin, unflatteringly placed oversized bows (baby got some serious back!) and dyed-to-match cheap pumps. At least I could afford all the dresses and accessories with my amazing line of credit.
- White water rafting – leave your fears onshore and paddle like hell!
Obviously, the first rule is making sure your hot pink shirt matches your hot pink sunglasses and hot pink earrings.
My sisters Susan and Nancy in raspberry taffeta bridesmaid dresses with matching garters. The picture taker (me) had the same outfit on. None of us should have EVER worn white shoes (wink, wink). On the alter, no less.
No perm, eyebrows waxed and ready for some rapids.
Hmmm. If cool content was important, maybe not being asked had nothing to do with my family’s RAP sheet after all.
Go ahead and jump on the blog jump:
Earth Mother Just Means I’m Dusty
A Side of Rice 
February 9, 2013 at 2:34 pm
This is HILARIOUS. I think bridesmaid dresses should be their own blog hop – maybe one about “creative ways in which I’ve discarded them”? Also – your handwritten set lists. Stop. I’m drooling. Just found out one of the Smithereens lives in my BFF’s neighborhood, we are trying to set a date to stalk him by walking our dogs past his house. Glad you were inspired by our sad little lists!
February 9, 2013 at 5:31 pm
Your BFF must be Suzy Soro, right? Sounds like a celebrity stalking scheme she would be a part of. Hopefully it will be in her next book.
February 10, 2013 at 7:35 pm
OMG Bartles and Jaymes! I haven’t heard that in decades. And whatever happened to the Smithereens?! Too funny!
February 11, 2013 at 9:42 am
ZIMA RULEZZZZZZ! *snort*
My brother was a bartender and he *HATED* when my friends & I would come in to his bar and order Zima (with a shot of Razzmatazz). He almost kicked us out for doing that!
And…awesome set lists! Well done!
February 11, 2013 at 6:18 pm
Zima. It’s what’s for dinner.