A Side of Rice

Hopefully Humorous (and sometimes R-rated) Musings About Life


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Jake!

One of my favorite movies is Sixteen Candles. And while not everyone agrees with me, the movie does make me laugh out loud. Plus, my sisters think this girl from the dance scene in the movie is my doppleganger:

Me?

Me?

Here’s my high school senior pic – what do you think?

High School Photo

Perhaps we have the same mullet?

During one scene in the movie, a panicked “Nerd” yells out to the party host to help him out of a tricky situation:

The Nerd ended up drinking martinis and talking girls underpants with Jake. In my life, it’s not nearly enough martinis and playing chase-me-and-try-to-get-your-underpants-that-I’ve-swiped-out-of-the-laundry-basket with Jake.

Jake is the newest addition to the Rice family. My husband had decided our dog Mocha had no one to play with and needed a pal. So we loaded up our alpha female dog and headed out to an adoption event at our local PetSmart. We had gotten Mocha at an event two years earlier, and she was excited about the possibility of a new dog to boss around.

On the way to the adoption event to find a new chew toy...er...furry friend

On the way to the adoption event to find a new chew toy…er…furry friend

We had checked Jake out online before the event and we were looking forward to meeting him. Since Mocha is an alpha female, we needed to be sure the dogs would get along. They did. And we were the first people to adopt a dog that day.

And since we brought him home, it’s like we are living that scene in Sixteen Candles. But we’ve added some dialog to the script:

Jake! Did you really need to chew up the $35 crate pillow we bought? The first day you used it?

Jake! Did you really need to chew up the $35 crate pillow we bought? The first day you used it?

Jake! Do you really need to put your ass in Nick's face?

Jake! Do you really need to put your ass in Nick’s face?

Jake! Would you please let Alex eat his cereal in peace.

Jake! Would you please let Alex eat his cereal in peace.

Jake! Stop trying to look so innocent...I know it was you who ate that stick of butter I had put on the counter.

Jake! Stop trying to look so innocent with all the tail wagging…I know it was you who ate that stick of butter I had put on the counter.

Jake! The blanket my aunt crocheted as a wedding present is NOT your pillow!

Jake! The blanket my aunt crocheted as a wedding present is NOT your pillow!

Jake! You already snuck a loaf off of the counter -- do you really need to eat the recipe too?

Jake! You already snuck a loaf off of the counter — do you really need to eat the recipe too?

Jake! Of course you're going to be banished from the kitchen after you eat a stick of butter AND a loaf of Orange Dreamsicle bread!

Jake! Of course you’re going to be banished from the kitchen after you eat a stick of butter AND a loaf of Orange Dreamsicle bread!

But, truly, most of the time our dialog is: “Jake! Thanks for joining our family”:

We encourage anyone looking for a new furry friend to check out rescue sites or shelters first. We adopted Mocha and Jake from Lab Rescue LRCP.


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Rice with a Side of Mocha

We had lost our family pet back in May, after 12 wonderful years with her.  Our boys had recently been talking about getting another dog, and my husband and I decided we would do just that. It would be a surprise Christmas gift for the boys.

Last Sunday, we told Alex and Nick we were going to Bed Bath and Beyond because I had some things to pick up.  Oh, the wailing and gnashing of teeth that commenced.  “Geez!”, Alex cried out.  “Do we have to go? Mom takes FORever in that store. She looks at EVERYthing — some things more than once.  It takes her HOURS to make a decision about what to buy. And it’s filled with boring stuff like kitchen crap.  Cookie and cake pans — like, who cares?”.  Nick offered this succinct suggestion, “Can us boys go next door to Sports Authority with dad instead, because Bed Bath and Beyond is stupid for kids”.

As we pulled into the parking lot that morning, I said “Boys, we have a surprise for you. We’re not going to Bed Bath and Beyond.  We are going next door to PetSmart because they are having a dog adoption event.”  There were whoops of happiness from the backseat as we parked the minivan.  I can’t be sure — were they more excited we were getting a dog, or that they weren’t going to be dragged into Bed Bath and Beyond?

We ended up selecting a 10 month old female chocolate lab, whose name was Galaxy.  Our first order of business — after dropping a bunch of money at PetSmart — was to rename our new dog.  Later that evening after careful consideration and a number of helpful outbursts from my husband like “holy crap, that’s a ridiculous name for a dog”, Alex came up with the name Mocha.

However, after a week of living with the not-yet adult dog, it is clear we could have come up with names that are more clever than another name for chocolate. And a more appropriate description of her behavior. Here’s my list of suggestions:

  • Get that out of your mouth
  • Get off the couch
  • Husband: "No way is this dog getting up on the couch."   How's that working out for ya, honey?

    Husband: “No way is this dog getting up on the couch.” How’s that working out for ya, honey?

  • Stop licking yourself there
  • Stop licking yourself there while you are on the couch
  • Socks are not chew toys
  • Christmas decorations are not chew toys
  • Shoes are not chew toys
  • I am not a chew toy
  • Why can’t you chew that ugly “disco snowman” decoration we got from our in-laws?
  • Drop it
  • DROP IT
  • DROP IT, DAMN IT
  • People food is not for dogs
  • She must be a chocolate lab, based on her interest in the ice cream all over Alex's face

    She must be a chocolate lab, based on her interest in the ice cream all over Alex’s face

  • Paws off the counter
  • Paws and snout off the counter
  • Get your snout out of the pizza on the counter!
  • Just move the cheese around and give that slice to dad since he didn’t see anything
  • Get off the bed
  • THIS is your bed.  Not the one I sleep in.

    THIS is your bed. I don’t want to share mine.

  • Get off my side of the bed
  • Get off my side of the bed if you are going to lick yourself there
  • Get the hell off my side of the bed if you are going to lick yourself there at 4:00am
  • Bring me paper towels
  • Bring me the carpet cleaner
  • This one’s a doozy…bring me the wet vac
  • Go outside and play with Luna – wear yourself out
  • Mocha and Luna have become fast fence friends

    Mocha and Luna have become fast fence friends

  • Who destroyed this baseball?
  • Who destroyed this frisbee?
  • Who’s brilliant idea was it to get a dog?
Welcome home Mocha

Welcome home Mocha

Thanks to Lab Rescue for our wonderful new family member, Mocha.