Unless you’ve been living under a rock this week — or have all your entertainment alerts set to ‘Kardashian only’ (shame on you, if that’s the case) — you’ve heard the news that the Jolie-Pitt marriage has finished/ended.
And since they are
such a globally aware couple now a pair of ‘normal’, heading-toward-a-nasty-divorce pair of adults, here’s how we say it’s over in any language —
- Afwerking (Dutch – and so fun to say!)
- Finir (French – for their neighbors in France, where they have a castle/estate)
- fini (Haitian Creole – in honor of New Orleans, where they have a $3+ million dollar home)
- បញ្ចប់ (Khmer – official language of Cambodia, for son Maddox’s fans)
- hoàn thành (Vietnamese – in honor of son Pax’s fans)
- Chereshe (Amharic, official language of Ethiopia, for daughter Zahara’s fans)
- “50/50-ed” (nickname Californians have for how you divvy up the estate)
- Overflate (Norwegian — which might actually be best for describing their egos)
There has been much speculation about this
surprise Hollywood breakup… it’s all because of Angelina’s supposed OCD … it’s definitely Brad’s alleged marijuana use … it’s that their last movie By the Sea sucked something awful … it’s because TMZ needing to goose ratings.
Whatever it actually is, I’ll tell you what this break up/divorce isn’t. It isn’t…
- shocking that two strong-willed, determined, and professionally-minded people find that they have grown apart
- going to keep the Kardashians out of the news…unfortunately
- nearly as newsworthy as Entertainment Tonight, TMZ, Access Hollywood, E!, or The Washington Post have made it out to be
- brimming with the potential to be as entertaining to watch as the shit show called an election we already have going on in 2016
- anything Taylor Swift hasn’t already written a thinly-veiled revenge song about
- the excuse I can use to get out of working my concession stand duty
- something special that any couple with kids hasn’t already gone through if they have divorced
So … maybe … being no more special than ordinary people who have to deal with this every day with far less fame, money, and access to cut-throat divorce attorneys is the the real reason this situation is the pits for the Jolie-Pitts.