A Side of Rice

Hopefully Humorous (and sometimes R-rated) Musings About Life

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How-to MANual

I’m pretty sure the men in my family think I’m starting to slack in the home upkeep arena. Otherwise, why would they be leaving me all these helpful hints around the house about what needs to be done?  Like …

…how will I ever be able to find the washer and know that football gear needs to be washed?  MANual answer — leave mom a trail of dirty, smelly jock straps, underthings, jerseys and pants so she can still find the washing machine.

Just so you know boys, the washing machine hasn’t moved since the last time I used it

…how will I ever know when it’s time to buy more chocolate milk?  MANual answer — leave the empty milk container on the counter overnight so that if the visual doesn’t help her, the smell certainly will.

Can you smell that we are out of milk?

…how will I ever know where to find the bandages?  MANual answer — keep them on the kitchen counter so mom can see them without having to rummage through the medicine cabinet where she might mistake either the expired Pepto or the mega bottle of Midol for a non-Band-Aid brand band-aid.

Let’s just keep EVERYTHING on the counter so we can always find what we need.

…how will I ever know when it’s time to clean up from dinner?  MANual answer — shouldn’t mom just know that after she has purchased the food, prepped and served us dinner, the dirty pan used to make the BBQ chicken on the stove means it’s time for her to tidy up?

Using foil to line the pan means I don’t need to wash it, right?

…how will I ever know when my husband needs his shirts taken to the cleaners?  MANual answer — hang them on the bottom of the stair railing so the wife can see them on the 459 trips she makes up and down the stairs each day.

Light starch, if you don’t mind

…how will I ever know when my husband needs more deodorant?  MANual answer — just leave the fast-drying, cool wave clear gel on the computer desk.  She’ll get the hint.

If I hit the “ESC” button, will it go away?

One thing I do know…it’s not just the empty milk jugs that stink around here.