A Side of Rice

Hopefully Humorous (and sometimes R-rated) Musings About Life

Why I Will Never Be in Charge of the Community Sign Board

1 Comment

I drove past the community sign board yesterday and the message on the right piqued my interest:

Phone number removed to protect the privacy of the poor schmuck who can't wait to get rid of this gig.

Phone number removed to protect the privacy of the poor schmuck who can’t wait to get rid of this gig.

Because in between my four hour round trip commute to work each day, my actual job, baking for fun, not making dinner, attending my kids’ sporting events, taking a ton of pictures at my kids’ sporting events, worrying about the lack of indoor plumbing at my kids’ sporting events, complaining about having to work the concession stand at my kids’ sporting events, decorating my dining room table with the equipment from my kids’ sporting events, Happy Hours with the other sports moms, dog walking, and getting mani/pedis and massages, why wouldn’t I take on something else?

Earlier in the year, this encouraging — yet cringe-inducing — message was posted for students in our neighborhood:

DearboughtSign

It’s the message on the left…the message on the right doesn’t induce much cringing.

It made me think maybe I should volunteer for the gig. I mean, think of editorializing I could do with the message requests for so many individuals and special interest groups…

Message request: REMINDER:  FOLLOWING HOA RULES KEEP OUR NEIGHBORHOOD VALUES HIGH!

My version:

Message request: NRA CHAPTER RECRUITMENT SOCIAL SATURDAY AT 2:00PM

My version:

Sponsored by the NRA

Message request: LOST BOY’S BLUE BIKE. IF FOUND PLS RETURN TO COMMUNITY CENTER

My version:

Sponsored by Neighborhood Watch

Message request: OUR GHOULS AND GOBLINS WILL BE TRICK OR TREATING FROM 5-8PM

My version:

For real, kids.

Message request: WEED AND WATER: IT KEEPS A LAWN AND OUR NEIGHBORHOOD BEAUTIFUL!

My version:

Sponsored by Mrs. Rice's husband who was her designated driver that one night she did puke in her front yard.

Message request: JOIN US FOR A PTA FUNDRAISING MEETING ON MONDAY EVENING at 6:30PM

My version:

DearboughtSignPTA

And of course, there are the general public service announcements…

Sponsored by Team Not-the-Whore

I’m not going to volunteer though. I have a feeling it would just end up like this:

Those sports mom Happy Hours will do it ever time.

Those sports mom Happy Hours will do it every time.

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Author: A Side of Rice

Married, mom, marketing professional. Loves swearing, pedicures and celebrity meltdowns. Hates making dinner and working the little league concession stand.

One thought on “Why I Will Never Be in Charge of the Community Sign Board

  1. I love this! So funny!

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