A Side of Rice

Hopefully Humorous (and sometimes R-rated) Musings About Life

Are You Ready for Some Youth Football?

2 Comments

If this is your first year of youth football, here is my handy guide to the signs you’ve been sucked into its vortex.  This is our fourth year of youth football in the Rice household, so I feel like can complain a whole bunch help you out, and let you know what to expect.

Sure-Fire Signs It’s Football Season

1.  The minivan now smells like sweaty 10- and 11-year old boys, because you’ll “be damned if those freakin’ shoulder and rib pads that can only be Fabreezed are coming into this house.”

Smells like pre-teen spirit.

Smells like pre-teen spirit.

2.  The term “pads” takes on a meaning other than one associated with getting your period.

3.  This is what the boys and their father (a head coach of one of the teams) think you should make them for dinner:

As if anything like this has ever been prepared at my house Copyright © 2013 Time Inc. Lifestyle Group

As if anything like this has ever been prepared at my house.
Copyright © 2013 Time Inc. Lifestyle Group

4.  Because practice is from 6:00pm – 8:00pm every night, this is what you make yourself for dinner, since you can actually eat in peace.  And since no one else in the family will touch a green vegetable:

Bourbon Chicken Salad

Yummy Bourbon Chicken Salad – mine, all mine!

5.  This is what you recommend they shove in their smelly, sweaty bodies for dinner:

Not having to make dinner? Priceless ©2010-2013  McDonald's

Not having to make dinner? Priceless.
©2010-2013 McDonald’s

6.  The team moms are burning up the internet faster than you can say tax-free-back-to-school-shopping, with their excessive and repetitive “informational” e-mails. Bonus points if you have kids on two separate teams so you can get every message. Twice.

How am I supposed to find my TMZ updates with all this crap crowding my in box?

The e-mails highlighted yellow are all the football stuff. How am I supposed to find my TMZ e-mail updates about Lindsay Lohan with all this youth football crap crowding my in box?

7.  There’s no where to hide from the dreaded concession stand duty sign-up.  Claiming post-traumtic stress disorder from working the concession stand during baseball season — even with a (possibly forged) note from your doctor — does not exempt you, either.

8.  Your petition to add a margarita machine to the concession stand gets struck down by the Board.  Again.  Even with the forged note from your physician, indicating continuous margarita therapy has been prescribed to aid in your PSTD baseball concession stand recovery.

9.  The pep rally takes place on the only evening you have free to go buy school supplies.

10.  You have to decide between back-to-school night or practice. The teachers will understand, right?  I’ll be MIA from both anyway, because I have to make my spirit wear shirts for the games.

Youth football - bling it!

Youth football – bling it!

Go Lions!

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Author: A Side of Rice

Married, mom, marketing professional. Loves swearing, pedicures and celebrity meltdowns. Hates making dinner and working the little league concession stand.

2 thoughts on “Are You Ready for Some Youth Football?

  1. This is my son’s first year.. I got a crash course and learned some of this the hard way… but some was good to know… I think I’m going to rally some moms for that margarita machine! Maybe we’ll strike concession duty until it happens 😉

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