A Side of Rice

Hopefully Humorous (and sometimes R-rated) Musings About Life

I’m on the Highway to Hell

4 Comments

I count about 10 reasons why Hell awaits me...

I count about 12 reasons why it awaits me, so that qualifies me for the HOV lane on the Highway to Hell, bitches.

It’s nice to know that some ranting  raving  out-of-control  holier-than-thou  Republican  relative  fellow sinner has created this checklist. I mean, how else would we know that we are destined for an afterlife of righteous humidity and — according to Elaine from Seinfield — ragged clothing.

I would just like to add a few categories to this guy’s list. They could be on the front of his sign, but since we can’t see that (or his face), I’ll just assume he needs a little help with his checklist.

So here are some of the sinning brethren that may (or may not) be noted on the front of his sign:

  1. Boys/young men who wear the waistband of their pants around their knees
  2. Any color Wiggle (for signs worn by parents of pre-schoolers only)
  3. Mississippi politicians who blame education’s demise on moms who work outside the home
  4. “News” people who don’t know their head from their ass, but apparently do know about the deep danger posed to society by women bringing home the bacon
  5. That PTA mom who shows up to the meetings in her white yoga pants and cropped topped so you can totally tell she’s wearing a black thong
  6. Any Kardashian
  7. Girls/young women who wear any sort of message across the ass of their shorts/sweatpants
  8. The passenger on the airline who handed my flight attendant sister a used poopy diaper (after changing her kid on the seat) and asked “it’s your job to get rid of this, right?”
  9. Any member of the Westboro Baptist “Church”
  10. Self-righteous, pill-popping drug addicts who cheat on their spouses
  11. Team Teresa from RHONJ
  12. Rush Limbaugh (oh wait…we already covered that in #10)
  13. Grandmothers who bring their grandsons to football practice,  and think being dressed in Daisy Dukes (Marlboros in one back pocket; bedazzled cell phone in the other), a tank top with no bra, and tats on display is the only way to roll (I’m looking at you, Dakota’s Nana)
  14. The inventor of the little league concession stand
  15. The jackass who narced on me in college about my fake ID. (I enjoyed the visit and subsequent “confiscation” by the campus police. Really.)
  16. The mom of the t-ball player in our local league who was shouting verbal threats to the 5 and 6 year old kids on the team during games (I mean, WTF, lady??)
  17. People who are so full of themselves because they actually like to cook dinner for their family
  18. The dog owners who don’t “scoop the poop” when Caninus Maxiums dumps on the community soccer field
  19. Anyone who can’t live by the bumpersticker logic “Humankind: Be Both”.  Especially that little skank who I always seem to get behind on the way home from work who chainsmokes the entire time and flicks the butts out her car window
  20. People who make lists about the type of people they don’t like

See ya on the Highway, people.

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Author: A Side of Rice

Married, mom, marketing professional. Loves swearing, pedicures and celebrity meltdowns. Hates making dinner and working the little league concession stand.

4 thoughts on “I’m on the Highway to Hell

  1. I love everything about this. Well done 🙂

  2. #8 really gets me since my brother is also a flight attendant! People seriously don’t respect that profession enough. They deal with so much shit from people who suck while having our safety and comfort in mind. I could never spend mutliple hours a day with large contained groups of mostly adults;)

  3. P.S. You can add to your list the person who made the fifth grade slideshow and decided to put all Christian music on it!!! Seriously, because ALL PEOPLE dig extreme Christianity. A volunteer, but come on! Had to be done over with great kids’ hits like “Firework” and “Call Me Maybe.” Thank GOD for another volunteer willing to fix it!

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