A Side of Rice

Hopefully Humorous (and sometimes R-rated) Musings About Life

Bracing Myself for Braces

Leave a comment

I was under the mistaken impression that 4 years of braces, headgear and rubberbands for me — as well as my husband’s mouthful of perfectly straight, never-altered-by-hardware teeth — would mean that we would get a pass on the big O when it came to our kids.

But no. Both our boys have been referred to an orthodontist to determine how we can burn through our lifetime maximum of orthodontia per kid, faster than Kardashians make money, just for being talented  classy  subtle … uh … reality TV fodder and punchlines for comics?

The lifetime maximum orthodontia benefit is $2,000 a person, per my dental plan. My very helpful dental plan’s website has an “orthodontia estimation calculator” — which would be more aptly named if it was called The Silver-Plated Money Suck Estimator. It tells me I can expect basic/nothing exotic/this-will-never-be-your-case orthodontia to cost us a minimum of approximately $6,000.

Per. Kid.

I wonder if I can put this on the memo line of the checks I'll be writing? ©2011-2013 ~JWeinstock

I wonder if I can put this on the memo line of the checks I’ll be writing?
©2011-2013 ~JWeinstock

Luckily, the orthodontia practice we have selected offers an interest-free payment plan. That’s a good thing, since the non-covered portion of this orthodontia is going to cost me as much as:

ONE of these Vera Wang wedding dresses Copyright © Dolce Sposa 2013

ONE of these Vera Wang wedding dresses
Copyright © Dolce Sposa 2013

67% of  a USED Hyuandi

Or 67% of a USED Hyuandi Accent Hatchback

Christian Louboutin crystal heels that would also cost me an additional $8,000 in orthopedic work after a snap my ankle in two trying to walk in them

Or this pair of Christian Louboutin crystal heels that would also cost me an ADDITIONAL $8,000 in orthopedic work, after I snap my ankle trying to walk in them

Yellow IS my favorite color

Or a vintage Chanel purse.  Yellow IS my favorite color

1.51 carat round cut diamond for only $7,900 - $100 left burnin' a hole in my pocket!

Or a 1.51 carat round cut diamond that is on sale for only $7,900. I would have $100 left burnin’ a hole in my pocket!

A set of perfect happy faces will be a minimum of $8,000 out-of-pocket for us. It’s hard to believe, however, that any amount of money can improve upon these smiles.

Hard to believe we can improve upon these smiles.

Advertisements

Author: A Side of Rice

Married, mom, marketing professional. Loves swearing, pedicures and celebrity meltdowns. Hates making dinner and working the little league concession stand.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s