A Side of Rice

Hopefully Humorous (and sometimes R-rated) Musings About Life

Imagine That

6 Comments

My husband had to take a short-notice trip to Indiana for work.  He left on a Monday morning and wouldn’t be back until late Tuesday night.

He left for the airport about 20 minutes before the boys had to catch the bus. Since I leave for my commute at 6:00am, I would have already left for work and been useless to help get them off to school.

My husband will tell you I could have ended that sentence at the word “useless” and it would be appropriate for any parenting situation I am faced with.

That evening, the boys would be home about two hours by themselves before I got home from work.  They had strict instructions – no friends over, do not take the dog for a walk, do not answer the phone unless it is your mom or dad calling, and — for the love of all that is holy — make sure the dog doesn’t snatch anything out of a laundry basket or you’ll be the one to clean whatever she barfs back up.

I called the boys at 4:10pm to let them know I was getting ready to head home, and remind them not to answer the door, take the dog for a walk or have any friends over. My oldest said, “yeah, dad just called and told us the same thing.”

On the way home, while I was underground on the Metro and out of cell phone contact for approximately 20 minutes, I let my mind wander. To what might happen at our house with both parents gone for about 2 hours.

Here are the scenarios that popped into my head:

Please don't use mom's 500 thread count sheets!©2013 SF Weekly, LP, All rights reserved.

TOGA PARTY! Please don’t use mom’s 500 thread count sheets.
Image ©2013 SF Weekly, LP, All rights reserved.

METEOR!  It's on a collision course with our house. Really. Or not.© 2013 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies.

METEOR! It’s on a collision course with our house. Or not.
Image © 2013 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies.

Jesus, I hope my boys didn't use their fingerpaints for  this!from yeeeah.com

PLAYMATES! Hell, I hope my boys didn’t use their fingerpaints for this.
Image from yeeeah.com

ARRESTED!  Police show up and take my precious babies into custody. "It was only a matter of time with a mother like that", claims neighbor.Image © The Jerusalem Post 1995 - 2012

ARRESTED! Police show up and take my precious babies into custody after neighbors called to report a brawl. “It was only a matter of time, with a mother like that”, claims 911-calling neighbor.
Image © The Jerusalem Post 1995 – 2012

START A BUSINESS! Hopefully not a risky, prostitute laden enterprise.Image from Mary Evans/Ronald Grant/Everett Collection

ENTREPRENEURSHIP! Hopefully not a risky, prostitute-laden enterprise.
Image from Mary Evans/Ronald Grant/Everett Collection

But when I arrived home, this is what I found:

Son #1 playing his iPad mini, while devil dog keeps him company

Son #1 playing his iPad mini, while devil dog keeps him company (those glowing eyes she always has in pictures are super creepy!)

Son #2 plays Minecraft, and his eyes bug out watching the screen.

Son #2 plays Minecraft. His eyes bug out watching the screen. Hopefully it’s not Minecraft Painted Playmate version.

They did what they were told, weren’t fighting and were keeping out of trouble. Imagine that.

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Author: A Side of Rice

Married, mom, marketing professional. Loves swearing, pedicures and celebrity meltdowns. Hates making dinner and working the little league concession stand.

6 thoughts on “Imagine That

  1. *breathes sigh of relief for you*

  2. What a wonderful mental adventure, yes, for mom and dad. Your wild thoughts are so funny- I like your sense of humor, making me smile.

  3. Good kids…must of been the great job parenting!!

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