A Side of Rice

Hopefully Humorous (and sometimes R-rated) Musings About Life

Minty Fresh Breasts

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My kids can come up with the craziest and most inappropriately (honest) comments at times. Given who their mother is, I know that comes as a complete shock to my readers.

What … that’s not a shock? Well anyway … the situation usually devolves into me trying not to laugh about the comment, while unsuccessfully imparting some motherly wisdom and advice.

Usually, it is my 9 year old son Nick (who has plenty of I-M-P in his D-N-A) who provides the commentary. Like this conversation the boys and I had in the car the other day:

Alex: “What’s this song mom?”
Me: “Dirty Deeds by AC/DC.”
Alex: “How do you know?”
Me: “Because when I was a teenager I had this album.”
Alex: “Do you still have it?”
Me: “No, my mom had heard about it, didn’t think the songs were appropriate for teenagers and made me throw the album away.”
Nick: “You totally should have hidden it from her. That’s what I would have done.”
No need to tell Nick that I got rid of the record, which mom knew about. But not the cassette tape, which she didn’t know about.

However, this past week, it was his older brother Alex who stunned me with a few of his comments/utterances.

The first instance was after seeing this license plate:

It prompted the following conversation:
Alex: “Mom – look at that license plate. Does it mean Car Gas ‘Em ‘Effer?”
Me: “Geez, Alex! No. Why would you think that? Um … there’s no ‘f’ at the end.”
Alex: “Well, what DOES it mean?”
Me: “It means the people who work in the personalized license plate division at the DMV aren’t paying enough attention.”
That seemed to help satisfy his curiosity. And luckily, my statement “I don’t think it’s a word” kept him from asking any more questions that I was not prepared to answer.

But the other day, this conversation had all of us cracking up:
Nick: “Mom, why do you like to chew gum?”
Me: “Well, it keeps me from shoveling in massive amounts of carbs. Just kidding! But not really. Actually, it helps me make sure my breath is minty fresh.”
Alex (eyes widening in a panic): “Mom! Why do your breasts need to be minty fresh? That’s so disgusting and weird. Is that something sexy that you and dad do in private.”
Me: “Alex! I said breath, not breasts.”
Cue hysterical laughter from the three of us. And possibly from 4 out of 5 dentists, also.


Author: A Side of Rice

Married, mom, marketing professional. Loves swearing, pedicures and celebrity meltdowns. Hates making dinner and working the little league concession stand.

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