A Side of Rice

Hopefully Humorous (and sometimes R-rated) Musings About Life

A Magic Girls Night Out


SPOILER ALERT — If you haven’t seen the movie Magic Mike yet, you may want to come back and read this post after you and your horny gal pals have seen it. I’m about to give my review and I wouldn’t want to ruin anything for you, in the event you have your own neighborhood moms night out planned.

So first, the bad news. Here are the things about Magic Mike I would have changed/I didn’t like/that were a big disappointment:

  1. I had to see Oliva Munn’s jugs in the first minute of the film. And another naked girl. Because Magic Mike (Channing Tatum) had just woken up after a night that evidently included lots of threesome action. Yeah, we get it — men love hot lesbians. But this was a chick flick, so more washboard abs and firm male asses. Less titties and kitties, thank you.
  2. The scene in which the heavy gal was being held by one of the strippers doing his act and his back gave out on him. Once — just once — I’d like to see some waifish sprite weighing in at no more than a buck o’ five be the reason the guy’s back gives out.
  3. The pet pig. Didn’t get it. Just didn’t get it. And it added nothing to the story when the pig licked up the vomit.
  4. Somebody get “The Kid” (Alex Pettyfer) a razor and some shampoo — STAT! Strippers with scraggly beards and unwashed hair are not — repeat not — panty melters.
    E-V-E-R. (For the record tho, nice body Mr. Pettyfer)
  5. Watching the movie made me remember one of my favorite SNL skits of all time. And then it made me sad that both of these guys are now gone
  6. The young waiter at Friday’s, who totally (and rather smugly) pegged our middle-aged mom group when he asked if we were going to see Magic Mike after dinner. We are so not as cool as we think we are.

  7. $11.50 for a regular showing. For that price, it should have been in 3-D or IMAX. Note to Hollywood: all male stripper movies should be in 3D.
  8. One of the strippers “Ken” (Matt Bomer) shares his ginormously-breasted wife with “The Kid” and another woman during a sex romp at a party. More lesbians — really? Didn’t I already cover this in #1 above?

Things About Magic Mike I Really Liked:

  1. I got to see Channing Tatum’s finely sculpted ass in the first minute of the film.
  2. When boobs did make an appearance on screen, the majority of the audience (see #6 below) groaned. Amen, sisters!
  3. I didn’t have to engage my brain to think about
    during the film. No fancy dialog, no twisty plots, no who-dun-it. Well, actually I thought about how finely sculpted Channing Tatum’s ass was. A lot.
  4. The girl that Magic Mike falls for was not your usual love interest type. She had a regular job as a medical assistant, lived in a small apartment, didn’t drive a fancy car, her hair had the frizzies, she wore flats instead of sky-high heels and didn’t require a bra with a cup size higher than B. In short, she was one of us, ladies.

    Photo by Claudette Barius – © 2012 Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.

  5. The scene where the sleezy, narcissistic club owner Dallas (Matthew McConaughey) teaches “The Kid” (Alex Pettyfer) dancing moves. Because stripper moves are naughty and fun to watch. And because of how Matthew rocks a yellow belly shirt and tight black shorts.

    Photo by Claudette Barius – © 2012 Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.

  6. That there were five husbands/significant others in the (completely packed with moms) theater who were dragged to the movie. Now they know how we feel when the movie is all titties and kitties.
  7. That the men in the movie are just as hot with clothes on as they are……..sorry, I’m laughing so hard I can’t even finish typing that. Nice suits boys, but let’s see you in a group thong photo, shall we?

    Copyright Getty Images

  8. I discovered that I might be more tolerant of pot smoking, bongo drumming and patchouli cologne wearing if it does this for a body.
  9. I got to spend an evening with some of the baseball moms. No husbands, kids or balls (the sporting variety, anyway), just dinner and a movie with the girls. And we were truly excited about seeing a movie where athletic supporters looked nothing like the ones our kids leave all over the house for us to pick up.
  10. My husband Mike agreed to watch some of the boys from the team, as the baseball moms took a break from our lives and enjoyed each other’s company, dinner out and a male stripper movie. And in the grand scheme of things, this gesture made him the sexiest guy on the planet. Magic Mike indeed.

Author: A Side of Rice

Married, mom, marketing professional. Loves swearing, pedicures and celebrity meltdowns. Hates making dinner and working the little league concession stand.

6 thoughts on “A Magic Girls Night Out

  1. hahaha! Great review Becky! I agree. Did not enjoy the lesbos, the pig slurping up puke, or MM’s Richard Simmons look. LOVED Channing. So yummo.

  2. Thank You for the warning! Me & My suburban mom posse are going to see this on Tuesday nite.

    Matthew McCon-A-Hey-Hey looks fabulous in his yellow crop top and shorty shorts! Oh.My.Gawd!

    • Matthew’s body is amaze-balls in this movie. The scene where he is teaching dance moves is a hoot! He also does an actual routine toward the end of the movie. Y.O.W.Z.A.

  3. Agreed on all points… especially the distaste regarding The Kid’s greasy hair… lol Our Cheesecake Factory waitress ALSO correctly guessed where our next destination was…hahaha

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s