The baseball moms and I were chatting about the hot read of the summer – Fifty Shades of Grey. After hearing the gals talk it up, I didn’t have the patience to wait until someone could lend it to me. It’s the longest list of people waiting to read a book. Ever.
So at Costco today, I slipped these into my cart between the vat of peanut butter and tub o’ laundry detergent:
I can’t wait to
ignore my husband and lose myself in the pages of crazy erotica stimulate my brain through a well crafted story. However, it was this headline in yesterday’s local newspaper that really grabbed my attention:
It got me thinking — what would be a really great newspaper headline (without the words “monkey” and “rodeo”) that would actually make me put down Fifty Shades of Grey? Well, here are some headlines that might get my attention:
State of Maryland Passes Mandatory Indoor Plumbing Ordinance for Every Kids’ Sports Field
Surgeon General Insists Margaritas Are Vital for Blood Pressure Maintenance
Pedicures Found to Extend Life Expectancy by 25 Years
Makers of Root Touch Up Announce Free Product Give Away. FOREVER.
Bifocals Are a Successful Predicter of MENSA-Level Intelligence & Extreme Sexiness
New Study Finds Doing Laundry a Health Hazard; One-and-Done Clothing Becomes New Norm
Scientist Wins Nobel Prize for Proving Moms Are Not the Only Ones Who Can Change a Roll of Toilet Paper When It Runs Out
Cruise Dumps Holmes for Rice; Rice Playing Hard to Get
Becky Rice Furious at Cruise for Blatantly Trying to Woo Her Husband
Baltimore Orioles Win 10th Straight World Series in a Row
Alex Rice Becomes Youngest Player Ever to Sign with Steelers; Gives Entire $10 Million Signing Bonus to Parents
RHONJ Renewed for 31st Season
Parents Put Up Highest Bail Ever for Internet Hacker Nick Rice; Brother’s Signing Bonus Wiped Out When Nick Jumps Bail
Local Frederick Woman Wins Mega Millions Lotto; Hires Full Time Staff for Little League Concession Stand
Government Officially Declares Making Dinner Over-Rated and Unnecessary
All Humor Bloggers Now Paid for Being Funny
So, until these dream headlines materialize (and the kids go to bed, so I can read my new books without too much guilt), does anybody have an extra ticket to that monkey rodeo?