A Side of Rice

Hopefully Humorous (and sometimes R-rated) Musings About Life

Uttered Nonsense


If you’d ridden in my car this week on my drive to the Metro station, you would have heard these spontaneous utterances. Some louder than others. And some more profanity-laced than others.

So we need to raise some revenue for the state of Maryland? Well, plant a few trooper here on 270 northbound during HOV lane hours and pull over all the under-the-passenger-limit cheaters flying past my law-abiding ass. Then write them all a damn mega-fine ticket.

If I drive slow enough, I wonder if my husband will get home first and start dinner.

I’ll tell you what your cutie-pie family decal should say. It should say the ‘Ass Family – Jack, Wise, Smart, and Dumb’. And the dog decal should be ‘Licks My’.

Do you really think coming to a complete #$%*-ing stop in the middle of the road where three exits from the parking garage converge at once was brillance on your part? Thanks for the impromtu brake test, you #$%*-er!

More freakin’ rain? I should be piloting an ark instead of driving a minivan.

That sign that says 15 is not the speed limit. It’s the route number for this dual lane highway you’re bringing to a total standstill in rush hour traffic, ass jacket!

Born Right the First Time. Oh, I bet the Tea Party loves that bumper sticker.

I mean, has the quality control division in the license plate review department at the Virginia Motor Vehichle Administration totally given the ‘eff up?


Author: A Side of Rice

Married, mom, marketing professional. Loves swearing, pedicures and celebrity meltdowns. Hates making dinner and working the little league concession stand.

5 thoughts on “Uttered Nonsense

  1. Your post was full of -awesome-. But the Ass family? Spewed my Monster just a tiny bit on that one. Not like a full on, gotta wipe my monitor down spewage, but definitely gotta wipe my keyboard down spewage.

  2. Ditto the ass family. Hilarious! Can you come up with something good about those damn vacation stickers too? And Dear God, that license plate! Thanks for your observations. They’ve given me quite a chuckle!

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