A Side of Rice

Hopefully Humorous (and sometimes R-rated) Musings About Life

Here’s a Total Non Sequitur


Who says families have nothing to say to each other these days? The Rices are able to communicate just fine, thank you very much. But perhaps not very coherently and evidently, ad nauseam.

Yesterday, we were making the trek to buy the necessary football accessories, as camp starts in two weeks. I should have thrown the penalty flag for excessive blabbering on about nothing in particular — and for a few things that made me cringe.

Nick: “Dad, can I play the baseball game on your phone?”

Alex: “Why does he get to play that game? I haven’t played it at all today?”

Husband: “Both of you shut it. You can take turns or not play at all. How ’bout that?”

Alex: “Mom, why can’t you put the baseball game on your phone, or maybe Donkey Kong?”

Nick: “Hey, what do you think Donkey Kong’s wife’s name would be? Mrs. Donkey? Mrs. Kong?”

Alex: “I think her name would be Sarah.”

Nick: “That’s because you think Ms. Sarah at camp is soooooooo cute.”

Alex: “I do NOT! Shut up Nick!”

Me: “Hey! Nobody should be telling anybody to shut up.”

Husband: “You two just shut up and play the damn game.”

Nick: “Awwwwww……..dad said shut up.”

Alex: “Awwwwww……..Nick said shut up. Hey dad — turn the radio up. We like this song.”

Me: groan “Is this that stupid Bruno Mars song about being lazy?”

Husband: “I don’t understand why they blank out the part about him putting his hand in his pants.”

Nick: “Why do guys put their hands in their pants? Do their boys get cold?”

Me: “Ack!”

Alex: “No Nick, that’s stupid. They do it because their underwear is too tight.”

Husband: muffled laugh

Me: “Nobody is stupid”. Glare of death, shot in direction of husband

Nick: “Mom, do you think girls wear fun underwear like my Transformers ones?”

Me: “I think most girls wear pink underwear.”

Alex: “Not Miss Sarah. I heard her tell one of the other camp counselors that she had underwear that was red for her date night. She also said it was lacey.”

Husband: “Really?”

Me: second and more you’re-really-gonna-pay-for-that-later glare of death, shot in direction of husband

Nick: “Mom, wasn’t one of the girls on Rock of Love named Lacey?”

Alex: “Yeah, but Bret didn’t pick her.”

Me: “How do you know who Bret picked?”

Alex: “He picked that girl with the pink and white hair.”

Nick: “I’ll bet she has pink underwear because her hair was pink.”

Me: “Can we change the subject?”

Alex: “Dad! Turn this one up. It’s a song by Pink!”

Alex: (singing) “Cuz baby you’re a firework, come on show ’em Mrs. Butterworths!”

Husband: “That’s not Pink, it’s Katy Perry. And Mrs. Butterworths? That’s not what she’s singing.”

Nick: “Can we have waffles for dinner tonight?”

Me: “Are you expecting me to make dinner tonight?”

Alex: laughing “Come on mom. We never expect you to make dinner.”

Husband: “Isn’t that the truth.”

Me: “Just shut up all of you.”


Author: A Side of Rice

Married, mom, marketing professional. Loves swearing, pedicures and celebrity meltdowns. Hates making dinner and working the little league concession stand.

10 thoughts on “Here’s a Total Non Sequitur

  1. Alex: (singing) “Cuz baby you’re a firework, come on show ‘em Mrs. Butterworths!”

    OMG. I love it, and next time I’m at the bar singing that song, I am CLEARLY going to be saying the same thing.

  2. So cute! Although I might be concerned about that tramp of a camp councelor.

  3. Don’t you just love it when your family writes your blog posts for you?

  4. Becky, too funny! My daughter just said, “Don’t you like the way mom is sitting over there laughing to herself?” I’m telling you AGAIN, you’ve missed your calling in life. You should be in comedy.

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