The Rice family July 4th festivities included spending a lazy morning in the house, a relaxing afternoon at the pool, and an evening firing up the grill for burgers and dogs. Most important was watching fireworks from the comfort of our deck. Our deck is within a reasonable distance of indoor plumbing that I wouldn’t have to share with a bunch of drunk hooligans — with very poor aim — as would be the case if we watched from our local downtown park.
I thought it would be fun to give a synopsis of our day, using titles of songs. So here’s how our 4th came and went.
OK….I may have had to make a few slight tweaks to the song titles to accurately reflect our day. Slight tweaks, people.
Original Song Title: Angel of the Morning by Juice Newton
Becky’s Song Title: Up at the Ass Crack of Dawn and Needs to Go Outside Dog of the Morning
Original Song Title: Breakfast in America by SuperTramp
Becky’s Song Title: Breakfast in Our Kitchen is NOT a Bowl of Frosted Flakes in Chocolate Milk, Boys”
Original Song Title: Dirty Laundry by Don Henley
Becky’s Song Title: Dirty Laundry Appears to Self-Replicate at an Alarming Rate in My House, No Matter How Hard I Try to Keep up
Original Song Title: Eat the Rich by Aerosmith
Becky’s Song Title: Eat the Damn Bologna Sandwich That You Insisted You Wanted Instead of Peanut Butter and Jelly
Original Song Title: Splish Splash by Bobby Darin
Becky’s Song Title: I Could Not Splish Splash Away Fast Enough from the Couple Who Was Fighting in the Pool Over Whether or Not the Wife Was Really a – to Quote Her Husband – Lazy Ass
Original Song Title: Dynomite by Taio Cruz
Becky’s Song Title: It Is Dynomite to Watch My Son Nick Dance and Sing, While He Still Has Chocolate Cupcake All Over His Teeth
Original Song Title: Single Ladies by Beyonce
Becky’s Song Title: An Afternoon at the Pool Will Confirm that the Stay-at-home Mommies in My Neighborhood Love Tatoos and Body Piercings as Much as the Single Ladies
Original Song Title: Should I Stay or Should I Go by The Clash
Becky’s Song Title: No We Can Not Stay at the Pool Any Longer or I Shall Go Nuts Listening to Those Two Kids Screech at Eachother, Fighting Over the Floaties
Original Song Title: Get the Party Started by Pink
Becky’s Song Title: Would You Please Just Get the Damn Grill Started So We Can Eat Sometime This Evening?
Original Song Title: Firework by Katy Perry
Becky’s Song Title: Fireworks Made My Dog Freak Out and Jump on the Bed, Right After She Peed a Little on the Carpet
Original Song Title: Sunshine on My Shoulders by John Denver
Becky’s Song Title: Sunshine on My Shoulders Would Hurt A Lot Less If I Had Just Put on Some F*cking Sunscreen While I Was at the Pool