A Side of Rice

Hopefully Humorous (and sometimes R-rated) Musings About Life

What Color Is My Parachute?


I’m back in the market for a job. After a week at home during which I assessed what’s so amazing about me, I’ve come up with a list of jobs I am most definitely qualified for:

  • Chief baker of cookies, cupcakes, pies and cakes for my husband and kids, office parties and special occasions
  • Master of snarkiness regarding the freak show that is a train/bus/metro commute
  • Facebook friender, liker, note writer, game player, status updater, and commenter
  • Ignorer of laundry
  • Reader of Us Weekly, People and Star magazine, while getting a pedicure and foot massage (multi-tasker!)
  • Watcher of A Baby Story
  • League leader in shoes downstairs (or so says my husband, however, I do not believe ESPN really keeps stats on this)
  • Sharer of funny and embarrassing family stories
  • Cheerer on of league little teams
  • Replacer of toilet paper once a roll runs out (evidently, there are no other qualified replacers in my house)

It is not gonna change itself, fellas

It’s equally important that I recognize and acknowledge the jobs I am totally not qualified for:

  • Stay-at-home mom
  • Twitter master
  • Little League concession stand helper
  • Day care worker
  • Dinner maker
  • Vacuumer
  • Duster
  • Dish washer
  • Anything that requires patience
  • Anything that requires not cussing
  • iPhone figure-outer
  • Parent of the Year
  • Carbohydrate passer upper
  • Comedy writer
  • Tequila hater, based on the parting gifts I received from colleagues.
  • The perfect job search kit

    Author: A Side of Rice

    Married, mom, marketing professional. Loves swearing, pedicures and celebrity meltdowns. Hates making dinner and working the little league concession stand.

11 thoughts on “What Color Is My Parachute?

  1. I don’t know. Comedy writer might be your thing.

  2. hey, I could be your twitter tutor. Of course we’ll need to build a few sessions building rapport.

  3. I am not a qualified tequila hater either. That would be *such* a difficult job!

  4. You ARE an inspiration for all of us trying to find the color of our parachute.

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