A Side of Rice

Hopefully Humorous (and sometimes R-rated) Musings About Life

If Jesus Had Made the Little League Travel Team

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He wouldn’t have played on Saturday. Oh no. Because his regular team games would have been on Saturday. He would have to play his travel team games on Sunday so the family could spend the entire weekend away from the house.

Mary would have had to find another day to get to the grocery store because Sunday’s are now packed with travelling to and from baseball games. And watching lots of baseball games.

Mary would have worn her parka to the field if she knew it was going to be this cold the first week in April.

Jesus and his little brother Nick would have had practice and/or games Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights. And Mary would have made cereal for dinner.

Doing the laundry would have to be shoved into the already jam-packed Saturday full of regular games and concession stand duty.

The family would have eaten something that passed for lunch at the local Sheetz gas station near the ball field because the concession stand isn’t open on Sunday.

Another parent would have had to bring Jesus home from practice when Joseph was out of town on business, because Jesus’ little brother Nick had his own practice to be taken to. Mary can’t be in two places at once, you know.

Joseph would have insisted that by helping the coaches, it negated his consession stand obligation. And Mary would have cussed his deluded ass out and set him straight about that shit.

Mary would have lobbied the Athletic Association ad naseum to install the adult beverage dispenser. Next to the nachos and cheese.

Mary would have been spurned by the other baseball wives/mommies because she told them she didn’t know how to keep the score book. Wink, wink, Mary – we know you played softball your entire life and have kept score plenty of times. Even if the other wives/mommies don’t know you’re a big fat liar, God does. So consider that another “X” on your own scorecard next to the 9th Commandment, Mary.

The family would have picked the buy-out option for the fundraiser requirement rather than having to purchase a freezer full of Cinnabons.

Mary would have felt absolutely no shame for logging on to her twitter and facebook accounts during the game. Especially when she posted updates about how proud she was of Jesus. Like this little gem of a base hit in his first travel team game:

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Author: A Side of Rice

Married, mom, marketing professional. Loves swearing, pedicures and celebrity meltdowns. Hates making dinner and working the little league concession stand.

One thought on “If Jesus Had Made the Little League Travel Team

  1. Pingback: A Year in the Life of a Blog «

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