A Side of Rice

Hopefully Humorous (and sometimes R-rated) Musings About Life

Prepare My Spot in Purgatory. Now.


Lent is upon us. Technically, it’s upon those who really are observant when it comes to religious rituals. Which is one thing – Catholically speaking anyway – that I am most certainly, without a doubt, not. (Unless watching celebrity members of the Church of Scientology melt down very publically counts as being religiously observant. If so, ash me up on Wednesday and roll that TMZ footage!).

It is tradition to sacrifice during the Lenten season – give something up or do something you normally wouldn’t want to. Mega-sinner and mom-disappointer that I am — there are some things that I just can’t bring myself to give up or do. They are ranked in no particular order of importance, but it is important that I let people know that I will not:

  • give up my Root Touch Up. In spite of being a raven-haired lady sporting WAY too much gray. And in direct defiance of the Mouthy Housewives advice mavens.

  • make dinner any more frequently than I do in the non-Lenten portion of the calendar.

  • consider renaming either of my children #winning. Unless maybe there are 7 zeros after the first number in the offer.

  • go see Gnomeo & Juliet, based on Wendi’s spot-on list of other Gnome-inspired movie titles.

  • stop my cringe-inducing commute to and from work, with the multitude of crazies.

  • miss one mani/pedi appointment (with 15 minute leg massage).

  • stop clicking the TV remote. Unless I come across a Jerseylicious marathon or the movies Parenthood, Briget Jones’s Diary or A League of Their Own.

  • start going to church – why break a streak now? Plus, I’m really racking up Purgatory minutes (days? weeks? eons?) and I hear they have a great happy hour.

  • put on anything that my husband purchased from an online retailer whose company name rhymes with Madam and Steve.

  • remember where I put my car keys once I get in the house. Ever.

  • have to wash a load of laundry more than three times when I forget about it being in the washer.

  • stop feeling guilty about being such a bad Catholic.

  • ever really figure out how Twitter works.

  • eat any more carbs. Right after I finish this leftover pasta.

  • make any more stupid lists

Author: A Side of Rice

Married, mom, marketing professional. Loves swearing, pedicures and celebrity meltdowns. Hates making dinner and working the little league concession stand.

5 thoughts on “Prepare My Spot in Purgatory. Now.

  1. (I know that’s Adam & Eve.)

  2. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t truly know how to use Twitter.

    And sure, Wendi, SURE you knew that was Adam and Eve. Right after you just called me about it.

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