A Side of Rice

Hopefully Humorous (and sometimes R-rated) Musings About Life

Yo No Quiero Taco Bell!


On January 25, I’ll be heading to sunny, warm, margarita-infused Puerto Vallarta. It is a trip for business (educational event and Board Meeting), but I hope to spend a decent amount of my non-work time sunning my paste-y white ass at the pool, drinking frothy tropical beverages and spending ridiculous amounts of money on spa services.

In fact, this was the glorious site from my hotel room last year, which — much to my delight — had not one husband, dog, or child to obstruct the view:

I do not speak the local language. So asked a colleague who is fluent to provide me with the phrases I believe will be the most useful on my trip, seeing as how those 4 years of high school Spanish I took are useless, at best.

So, big props to my co-worker Amanda for helping me with this list. She also asked that I take many pictures, especially if it involves item(s) #5, 7, 9, 10 and/or 11.

1. Donde esta el bano?
Where is the bathroom?

2. Muchas cervezas, por favor
Many beers, please

3. Mama necesita otro masaje.
Mommy needs another massage.

4. No, no…con hielo CON sal.
No, no…on the rocks WITH salt.

5. No va a quemar la boca, verdad?
This won’t burn my mouth, right?

6. Yo no quiero Taco Bell
I don’t want Taco Bell

7. Pense que dijiste que era un tatuaje temporario
I thought you said it was a temporary tattoo

8. Espero haber llevado el Advil
I hope I packed my Advil

9. Deberia ser ilegal llevar una tanga en eso cuerpo
It should be illegal to wear a thong on that body

10. A que hora anoche empece a bailar encima de la barra?
At what point last night did I start dancing on the bar?

11. Aceptaria la fianza en dolares o puedo cargarla con tarjeta?
Do you accept bail payments in US dollars or can I just charge it?

My husband has already let me know if I use #11, that I should enjoy my “extended vacation” because he is cancelling the credit cards and will not be Western Unioning me any money. He’s such a buzz kill.


Author: A Side of Rice

Married, mom, marketing professional. Loves swearing, pedicures and celebrity meltdowns. Hates making dinner and working the little league concession stand.

3 thoughts on “Yo No Quiero Taco Bell!

  1. Ha ha! With those phrases I’m sure you’ll have a great time.
    Lucky you : )

  2. Here’s another: Duele me cabeza. (My head hurts).

    Enjoy your trip; Puerto Vallarta is beautiful.

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