I received an announcement regarding the Comcast Parent Involvement Matters Award (CPIMA) from the Maryland State Department of Education. Well, it came from my boys’ Elementary School actually (go Lions!)
The CPIMA screening committee really must have relaxed the rules this year if I got an invite … and can nominate myself. To date, my parental involvement has been less than stellar. Well, maybe I have not been as active as some other parents. OK, let’s face it — I’d be lying if I said I did anything more than occasionally pick my boys up from the after school care program located in the cafenasium. Some of you may know if as the gymateria.
But perhaps the rules have changed, so I am submitting the following entry on my own behalf. I humbly believe I should win because…
… I have not attended any PTA meetings. I see this as a genuine service to the school and other parents. By not attending, I am helping to keep the meetings moving along at a jaunty clip. Otherwise, there would be lots of eye-rolling, loud sighing and expletives blurted out in massive protest when yet another fundraiser was suggested. I don’t need to buy any more pizzas, cookies, nuts, wrapping paper, etc. Can I just stroke a check and be done with it?
… I foster a sense of individualism by
ignoring forgetting “Pride” Day. No, not that kind of PRIDE……Lion Pride. The first Wednesday of each month, the kids are supposed to wear their pride colors for pride points. My son Alex is in the orange pride and Nick is in the green pride. And I can never seem to remember to dress them in something so that their class/pride earns points. The way I see it, it is much better for them to learn early on that being a lemming and following the crowd is the wrong path to take. Be an individual! Stand on your own two paws and tell the pride you will not succumb to the pack mentality.
… I believe that checking homework does not encourage responsibility. Let’s face it. Kids these days have it soft. My mother never had to check my homework every night and sign off on it. Oh, contraire! She just reviewed my quarterly report card, sighed and whimpered “exactly why do you think I should keep paying for private school if this is the best you can do”? Dad was a little more direct. “Look, dumbass — you’re on a path to end up like your (actual name and familial relationship deleted here to prevent awkward moments at next big holiday gathering). So get your fucking head screwed on straight. Or the highlight of your post-high school work day is gonna be when you say would you like fries with that”.
There you have it. The very strong case for why Becky Rice should win this year’s coveted CPIMA Award. And for the record…..do I have to show up for the ceremony or can they just send the shit I win home with one of my kids?